How To Plan A Wedding In 2 1/2 Days

Destination: Sunset Beach, NC and surrounding cities.

Day 1: Have someone else drive you around if you don't know the area. Eat breakfast out then visit the beach. (It tricks you into thinking you're actually on vacation.) Visit reception site. Taste food, ditch ugly mustard yellow napkins, and ogle the ocean view. Check out tidal levels and shading at ceremony site. Check out the pool and hot tub at the hotel.

Day 2: Drive to another town. Plan out every flower on every table and in every bouquet in an hour and a half. Don't forget to be stressed, relieved, stressed, and then finally relieved. Drive to the nearest large city to meet the cake baker in a coffee shop. Make sure they have free internet so you can look up flower girl dresses while you eat a chocolate chip muffin and wait. Afterward grab lunch (beer included) then visit the office supply store for the binder that you probably should have started a month ago. Drive home and watch Dancing With The Stars.

Day 2 1/2: Sleep in, you'll be exhausted from the endless decision making. Walk to the coffee shop for the second latte and bagel in two days. Drive to rental place and book chairs, tables, linens, etc. Crap, no napkins. Drive to another small town, eat lunch, buy more souvenirs. Pack up, drive to airport, go home.

Also, don't waste time while in the car: discuss ice buckets for champagne, cake ribbon colors, program information, arch or no arch, rehearsal dinner locations, bride's dress, mother's dresses, flower girl dresses, transportation, and the current lack of napkins.